Chapter 13 – Liberating Ourselves and Counseling Others, page 195.
Freeing Ourselves From Old Programming
- We’ve all learned things that limit us as human beings.
- Passed down through generations, much of this destructive cultural learning is so ingrained in our lives that we are no longer conscious of it.
- Pain engendered by damaging cultural conditioning is such an integral part of our lives that we can no longer distinguish its presence.
- It takes tremendous energy and awareness to recognize this destructive learning and to transform it into thoughts and behaviors that are of value and service to life.
- This transformation requires a literacy of needs and the ability to get in touch with ourselves.
- Not only have we never been educated about our needs, we are often exposed to cultural training that actively blocks our consciousness of them.
- By encouraging us to separate observation and evaluation, to acknowledge the thoughts or needs shaping our feelings, and to express our requests in clear language, NVC heightens our awareness of the cultural conditioning influencing any given moment.
Resolving Internal Conflicts
- We can apply NVC to resolve the internal conflicts that often result in depression.
- Ernest Becker attributes depression to “cognitively arrested alternatives.”
- This means that when we have a judgmental dialogue going on within, we become alienated from what we are needing and cannot then act to meet those needs.
- Depression is indicative of a state of alienation from our own needs.
- Try restating your internal dialogue with: “When a, I feel b, because I am needing c. Therefore I now would like d.
- This will allow you to get beneath the alienating messages you are repeating to yourself and offer yourself empathy.
- The ability to hear our feelings and needs and empathize with them can free us from depression.
Caring for Our Inner Environment
- When we are entangled in critical, blaming, or angry thoughts, it is difficult to establish a healthy internal environment.
- NVC helps us create a more peaceful state. Of mind by encouraging us to focus on what we are truly wanting rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves.
- We can create a less stressful situation for ourselves by simply becoming aware of what we are feeling and needing rather than blaming others.
- We can also defuse our stress by empathizing with others.
Summary
- NVC enhances inner communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs.
- Our ability to distinguish our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.
- By showing us how to focus on what we truly want rather than on what is wrong with others or ourselves, NVC gives us the tools and understanding to create a more peaceful state of mind.
