Behavior #8: Confront Reality, page 185.
Summary: Behavior #8 – Confront Reality
- Take issues head-on, even the “undesirables.”
- Address the tough stuff directly.
- Acknowledge the unsaid.
- Lead out courageously in conversation.
- Remove the “sword from their hand.”
- Don’t skirt the real issues.
- Don’t bury your head in the sand.
Behavior #8 – Confront Reality
- Have you ever been a participant in those “meetings after the meetings” – that informal discussion where smaller groups of people talk about all the things that should have been addressed in the formal meeting? How much time and money do you think was wasted because the real issues weren’t directly addressed and resolved?
- “Undiscussables” – those things that get in the way of open, trusting relationships, and that no one ever dares to bring up.
- Behavior #8 – Confront Reality – is about taking the tough issues head-on.
- It’s about sharing the bad news as well as the good, naming the “elephant in the room,” and addressing the “sacred cows.”
- As you do these things appropriately, you build trust – fast.
- People know that you are being genuine and authentic.
- You’re directly addressing the difficult issues that are in people’s minds and hearts; the ones that affect their lives.
- Confront Reality is based on the principles of courage, responsibility, awareness, and respect.
- The opposite of Confront Reality is to ignore it – to act as though it doesn’t exist.
- The counterfeit is to act as though you’re confronting reality when you’re actually evading it. It’s focusing on busy work while skirting the real issues.
Speed and Cost
- When you Confront Reality, it affects speed and cost in at least two ways:
- First, it builds the kind of relationships that facilitate open interaction and fast achievement.
- Second, instead of having to wrestle with all the hard issues on your own while trying to paint a rosy picture for everyone else, you get to engage the creativity, capability, and synergy of others in solving issues.
- Ideas flow freely. Innovation and collaboration take place. Solutions come much faster and better and are implemented with the understanding, buy-in, and often excitement of others involved in the problem-solving process.
So Why Don’t We Confront Reality?
- In his book, Open Book Management, veteran business writer John Case suggests the key to successful management is in treating people like adults, “when treated like adults,” he says, “people act like adults.”
- Sharing the bad news as well as the good shows respect. It says to others, “You are an adult. You can handle this.“ It also says, “I value your input concerning how we make this situation better.”
- You rarely gain anything by shutting out the very people who are in the best position to help you solve the problems that you face.
- So why don’t people confront reality?
- In some cases, they want to be popular.
- They don’t want to be the bearer of bad news.
- They want to avoid discomfort.
- Some people don’t want to lose face. They try to avoid embarrassment.
- Don’t wait to confront reality. It doesn’t get easier. It doesn’t get better. In some cases, if you don’t get the relevant information from people and act quickly, you start losing options. You find yourself in damage control.
- Bottom line: Don’t be afraid to deliver bad news. Don’t feel like you have to spin everything in a positive light.
Trust Tips
- The “sweet spot” for Confront Reality reflects the judgment that comes from the interaction of all 4 Cores.
- On the left side of the curve, confrontation is ignored, or at best, diluted. It’s too mild to be effective.
- The movement to the “sweet spot” comes by increasing courage (Integrity), improving Intent, working on trust abilities (Capabilities), and gaining confidence from experience with the Results of confronting reality.
- On the right side of the curve, people are into confronting other people instead of issues – and sometimes brutally.
Improving Your Ability to Confront Reality
- The next time you are reluctant to confront reality, explore your feelings:Are you hesitant because of fear of the outcome or fear of the pain?
- Consider the consequences of not confronting reality.
- If necessary, try to reframe your attitude toward the others involved. See them as adults who are capable of handling things as they are.
- If you feel uncomfortable in a relationship, ask yourself why. Is there some issue that’s getting in the way of creating an open, high-trust relationship?
